i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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