also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize