You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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