Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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