I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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