She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
