I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
