At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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