I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and she was petting her beer can
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
