I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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