She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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