can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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