Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
