Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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