you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
