i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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