I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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