Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
