Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
