so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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