There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
