Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
