Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
