Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
