Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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