i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
