Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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