btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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