I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
