I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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