I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
