Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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