I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
MIDGETS
????
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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