I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
