I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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