on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Someone stole a lamp last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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