We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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