And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize