I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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