Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this beer tastes like vomit already
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.