it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.