No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.