She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.