Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.