im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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