I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
