i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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