im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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