I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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