There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
