it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
