Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
