this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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