His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
