It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
