My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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