Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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