I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
