my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I touched a dick in church today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
