No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize