this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
