My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
