Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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