i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
