my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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