I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
