Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
